“Cuz I still haven’t found what I’m lookin’ for…

Every time I here Damian Rice sing "I still haven't found" it makes sense to me. It's such a human cry.

Are we all searching for something?

The next turn in the road, a “lucky break”, an adventure, an exciting ride, peace, appreciation, love, validation, assurance that you “have what it takes”, meaning, joy, the “pot of gold at the end of the rainbow”, home, your place in the world, explanation, security, worth, the knowledge that you are indeed a special and unique individual, purpose.

Maybe we are missing it, because we are looking in all the wrong places.

It sounds like a Sunday school answer –“everything is found in Christ”, or maybe just a Pollyanna explanation for the haunting questions of life. But not only does the Bible answer these questions, the Bible points to The Lord as the fulfillment of our needs.

The Bible says over and over again things like-

“In my presence is fullness of joy”

“Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, I will give you rest.”

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation”

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.”

Many of these are familiar verses, but perhaps we have for too long spiritualized them or put them in our head-knowledge, and forgot they are also literal.

Do we dishonor our Creator and Savior by saying we give him our lives and worship, yet we look everywhere but in him for what we “still haven’t found”? Do we assume that the unseen end of our desire is earthly?

Honestly, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. Either because I don’t know what I’m looking for, or I just don’t see what is in front of my face. I have glimpsed it... and the only time I did was in the presence of Christ. Nothing else has ever even come close to strumming that deeper chord.

I’ve “tasted and seen” – The Lord is good. His goodness is tangable… In my human heart, so “prone to wander” I move away from my Lord. But from the Words of God I know - He will fill the God sized void in my heart.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33)

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)

Not there yet.... But on the road.

Anticipation and Remembrance

She looked back. She looked forward.

Christmas Eve. Laying in bed, her new PJ’s on. The excitement and anticipation was like a sweet wave, she could sit and dream of tomorrow forever. When the marrow came, it was wonderful. But was it like she had anticipated?

The days crawled by like the lady bug on the windowsill. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday… finally it was Friday night; tomorrow was the day. She was going horse-back riding. Her eyes closed, her head overflowing with anticipation and wonderment. Her dreams were fitful but sweet – full of horses and cowboys.

There is a space, a void, a gap that exists in all anticipation and remembrance. There is an ideal joy that exists when looking forward and when looking back. It’s like a thirsty-ness or an empty space. Nothing quite satisfies, nothing quite fills. We are fooled into thinking it’s waiting down the road, or we lost it with the innocence of childhood.

When the girl grew she experienced the same things, but in regards to totally different situations. The party, college life, friendships, places. After a while she squelched the anticipation or what could be called, the “inkling of pure joy”. There was a deepness that longed for something so deep and true – pure joy. All of life was only a drop in the bucket. She was craving it, but why waset life wishing for something that didn’t seem to exist.

Day dreaming one day, she remembered the Christmas and the day she went horseback riding. Nostalgia and an almost perfect joy came to mind. But she knew it wasn’t true. Never had those longings been fulfilled – they had only been glimpsed in anticipation and remembrance.

“If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world” - C.S. Lewis

Yes, I’m “wasting my life” for something that does exists -- Jesus is my anticipation and remembrance; my home.

Storm

Tired of the fight, tired of the battle.

These people scrape wounds I forgot I had, they touch deeply embedded thorns that were forgotten. Lord, you are calling me. You are asking me to come into your presence. Weary, heavy laden. You give rest. You, the healer of the broken, sustainer of the weak, lover of souls. You, abba call me in this darkness, this storm.

I've begged, I've cried, I've shouted. I hate this storm..... but if it means more of you Abba. It's worth it.

"My child, ask not for the storm to be calmed, but to find me in the storm."

-I found this scribbled from a while back....-nat