Anticipation and Remembrance

She looked back. She looked forward.

Christmas Eve. Laying in bed, her new PJ’s on. The excitement and anticipation was like a sweet wave, she could sit and dream of tomorrow forever. When the marrow came, it was wonderful. But was it like she had anticipated?

The days crawled by like the lady bug on the windowsill. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday… finally it was Friday night; tomorrow was the day. She was going horse-back riding. Her eyes closed, her head overflowing with anticipation and wonderment. Her dreams were fitful but sweet – full of horses and cowboys.

There is a space, a void, a gap that exists in all anticipation and remembrance. There is an ideal joy that exists when looking forward and when looking back. It’s like a thirsty-ness or an empty space. Nothing quite satisfies, nothing quite fills. We are fooled into thinking it’s waiting down the road, or we lost it with the innocence of childhood.

When the girl grew she experienced the same things, but in regards to totally different situations. The party, college life, friendships, places. After a while she squelched the anticipation or what could be called, the “inkling of pure joy”. There was a deepness that longed for something so deep and true – pure joy. All of life was only a drop in the bucket. She was craving it, but why waset life wishing for something that didn’t seem to exist.

Day dreaming one day, she remembered the Christmas and the day she went horseback riding. Nostalgia and an almost perfect joy came to mind. But she knew it wasn’t true. Never had those longings been fulfilled – they had only been glimpsed in anticipation and remembrance.

“If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world” - C.S. Lewis

Yes, I’m “wasting my life” for something that does exists -- Jesus is my anticipation and remembrance; my home.