Ambivalence Returns

The place on the narrow trail was familiar. She would have said “déjà vu”, but there was no one there to say it to. She stopped, looked around, and urged her brain to remember. Suddenly, it all made sense. This, was indeed the same trail, but much had changed. The trees to her right were the same, yet lichen and vines now covered the aged bark. The grass that once grew by the trail was now a high hedge of bushes, vines, briars, and weeds. As she scanned the trees on the left, her eyes settled on a small blue flower, the kind that is trumpet shaped and grows on a delicate green vine with heart shaped leaves. The flowers – they were the same.

The urge to run was strong, but the urge to slow her pace and stare at the surrounding woods was stronger. Her mind shifting into remembrance mode and suddenly it all came rushing back like a wave over her.

“Why, Why am I here again?”

a

m·biv·a·lence

 

–noun

1.

uncertainty or fluctuation, esp. when caused by inability to make a choice or by a simultaneous desire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things.

Rest

The turmoil and winds of emotions swirled fiercely; they brought a tiredness that no sleep could cure. One glance at the starry sky, and the sound of the constant and clean wash of waves on the shore brought hope. The sand was cool, yet warm enough to roll up and sleep in. Moonlight made sparkles and diamonds dance on the tips of the waves, the touch of glory reflected only for an instant then vanished. The waves whispered “be still, listen,” the breezes sang of rest and relief. The glory and majesty of the moon sang of a presence, an ever faithful and true presence. Time stood still, the giver of peace and rest was waiting, calling and pursuing the tired and broken one. In the moment of surrender the inner storm was calmed, rest and peace were all it left. In this peace, that is beyond words or understanding - the Storm-calmer had spoken.